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Know My Name
Book Club Night - Cozy night

Know My Name

Chanel Miller

Chanel Miller's luminous memoir reclaims her voice after years of being known only as 'Emily Doe,' offering a deeply human story of healing, family, and finding language for the unspeakable.

Reading level: Moderate Best for: a close-knit club that values vulnerability, honest conversation, and holding space for hard but hopeful stories

Discussion

Warm-up

  1. 1.What small comfort (a blanket, a snack, a person to text) did you reach for while reading this book?
  2. 2.Where did you do most of your reading, and did the setting feel like the right place to sit with Chanel's story?

Digging in

  1. 1.Chanel writes a lot about her family and her sister. What moments of family warmth stayed with you, and did they remind you of anyone in your own life?
  2. 2.Art, baking, and writing show up as forms of mending throughout the book. What do you turn to when you need to feel like yourself again?
  3. 3.How did Chanel's voice on the page make you feel as a reader, almost like she was sitting next to you? Were there passages where you wanted to slow down and stay a while?
  4. 4.The book is called Know My Name. What does being truly known by the people in your life mean to you, and who in your world makes you feel that way?

Going deep

  1. 1.Were there moments that were hard to read but you were glad you read anyway? How did you take care of yourself through those pages?
  2. 2.By the end, what feeling did the book leave you with, and is there anything you want to carry into how you show up for the people around you?

On the table

Homemade banana bread with butter
Chanel writes lovingly about baking and small domestic comforts; warm slices feel like a hug on a plate
Creamy tomato soup with grilled cheese triangles
Quintessential comfort food for a tender read, easy to make in big batches and easy to eat while curled up
A simple cheese and fruit board with crackers
Low-effort, communal, and lets guests graze gently while talking, perfect for a slow, soft evening

To sip

Honey chamomile tea (no alcohol)
Calming and nurturing, a soft landing for an emotional discussion
Spiced hot chocolate with whipped cream (no alcohol)
Cozy, indulgent, and the kind of drink you cradle in two hands
Warm spiced cider with bourbon (optional pour)
Lets guests choose their own comfort level; the cinnamon and apple feel homey

Run of show

7:00
Soft arrivals
Greet guests with a mug already poured. Keep lighting low and music quiet.
7:15
Settle in with snacks
Let everyone plate food and find a cozy spot before any structured talk.
7:30
Warm-up circle
Go around with the two warm-up questions so every voice is in the room early.
7:50
Heart of the conversation
Move through theme questions; pause for refills and let silences breathe.
8:30
Deeper reflections
Offer the deep questions gently; remind guests they can pass anytime.
9:00
Sweet send-off
Hand out bookmarks, share one-word takeaways, and let people linger as long as they like.

Host tips

  • Name the room a soft space at the start: passing is welcome, and emotional reactions are okay.
  • Keep tissues, water, and an extra blanket within reach; small care goes a long way with a book like this.
  • Have a low-stakes follow-up activity ready (browsing Chanel's artwork online together) for guests who want to stay after.

Playlist

soft, hopeful, and quietly resilient, like late evening light through a kitchen window

  1. 01Rise Up - Andra Day
  2. 02The Wisp Sings - Winter Aid
  3. 03Saturn - Sleeping at Last
  4. 04Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
  5. 05Lost in My Mind - The Head and the Heart
  6. 06Light - Sleeping at Last
  7. 07Brave - Sara Bareilles
  8. 08First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

Trivia

  1. 1. In what year was Know My Name first published? (2019)
  2. 2. Before publishing the memoir, Chanel Miller was publicly known by what pseudonym? (Emily Doe)
  3. 3. Her viral victim impact statement was first published in full by what online outlet in 2016? (BuzzFeed News)
  4. 4. Know My Name won which major nonfiction award given by the National Book Critics Circle in 2019? (The John Leonard Prize for a best first book)
  5. 5. Besides writing, Chanel Miller is also widely known as what kind of visual artist? (An illustrator (and visual artist))
  6. 6. In what U.S. state is much of the memoir set? (California)
  7. 7. Chanel Miller studied at which California university as an undergraduate? (University of California, Santa Barbara)
  8. 8. What 2022 picture book did Chanel Miller write and illustrate for children? (Magnolia Wu Unfolds It All (her illustrated children's project; she also created the animated short I Am With You))

Rate the book

Warmth of voice ☆☆☆☆☆
Emotional resonance ☆☆☆☆☆
Comfort while reading ☆☆☆☆☆
Lines you underlined ☆☆☆☆☆
Stayed-with-you feeling ☆☆☆☆☆
One word for how this book left me: ______________________
A page I want to revisit: ______________________
Someone I want to hand this book to next: ______________________
You're invited
Pajamas, tea, and a quiet kind of brave

Come curl up with us for a gentle evening around Chanel Miller's Know My Name. Bring your softest sweater; we'll bring the cocoa and the conversation.